The Intimacy Curator

As a single 40 year old who has been dating for the last five years, I did not take Later Life Virginity therapy sessions and I have always been made fun of for waiting for the girl to make the first move. “So you rather watch this stupid movie instead of making out with me?”“ You CAN hold my hand if you want, you know.” At a recent party, when I explained to friends that it just makes consent a lot more clear than any signal would, they thought it’s a good practice given the times we live in. It’s always been this way for me. Maybe because I didn’t kiss anyone till I was 29 or sleep with anyone till I was 35. (No, I’m not ashamed of it and let’s just stop shaming virgins.) Yes, I am aware that many girls may have wanted me to make the move because it’s supposed to be a guy’s job but I just can’t get myself to do it. I didn’t need an intimacy coach to tell me that. The few instances I have tried to peck a girl on her cheeks or hold her hand, I would stop halfway. I just don’t have tho

Turn -Ons and Turn-Offs are the two terms we often use to describe how our bodies react to a sensual situation. When you initially date someone, there are several things that attract you to them sexually and we describe them as turn-ons. How someone does little gestures of care is a major turn-on for me or curly hair is another example. The same goes for things that can lead you to a “turn-off”. On a more intimate level, there can be things that hold you back from a sensual situation or excites you to engage in it and take it to the next level. These responses that our bodies make during an intimate situation can be described under the Dual Control Model of Sexual Response . This model can be used to understand how to go about building an exciting relationship with your partner. The Dual Control Model of Sexual Response is based on the idea that sexual response in individuals is an interaction between excitatory and inhibitory processes. A balance between the two is very important to h

  The Oohs and Aahs of porn are very familiar to me. The women begged the men “to put it inside them” and the declarations of pleasure echoed when it finally happened; I considered this to be the pinnacle of pleasure. Penetration was the ultimate player in the game of sex and orgasm was now inevitable. As a teen experiencing the opposite of low libido , I was determined that my experience of sex would be just the same; penetration will transcend me to climax nirvana. Later I began dating with this fantasy in my mind. Which, within my first few sexual encounters, came crashing down. It didn’t send me to pleasure heaven. Penetration failed to create that ‘god-like’ level of satisfaction. Compared to every heterocentric porn videos and sex scenes I had seen, I did not enjoy it as much as the actors did. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it felt good, but most times it didn’t. I didn’t venture out in the world of porn addiction for clear reasons. Sometimes it felt right and most times I jus

  Awkward silence floats in the air during your weekend together. You can’t remember the last time you were physically intimate with them. It could be because of infidelity, or because you’ve grown apart, but we’ve all hit this stage of heartbreak in a relationship that seemed to be working so well. If you feel this growing separation from your partner, your emotional intimacy reserves in your relationship may be declining rapidly. If you're anxious for that spark and connection you first had, it’s time to work on healing your emotional intimacy together. What is emotional intimacy? Emotional intimacy is the ability to express your thoughts and feelings honestly and openly without fear of judgment or criticism. It is so essential to our well-being. Any difference in expectations between you or your partner can create conflicts, as our expectations for emotional intimacy are grounded in our experiences with family and peers. The loss of emotional intimacy can be painful for a coupl

What brings you to Tinder/Hinge? I’m not a fan of the job interview format.  So I have been meaning to write about this question and answer ritual that sucks the romance out of meet-cutes. You have just about managed to break the ice and start a conversation and it’s all fun till the other wants to know: What are you doing on a dating app? I mean, what are YOU doing? Some feel the need to clarify: I mean, you are good looking and successful, why would you need a dating app? How are you still single? And there are some who will decide on the basis of this question and answer based interview if they want to meet you.  That’s fine except that most of the questions aren’t text conversation material they are part of relationship counseling . I am sorry I am not discussing relationship histories, my plans to get married or to settle down with someone I haven’t even met. For all I know, I’m being Catfished. To be absolutely honest, I don’t even know if dating today makes much sense because n

  The weather was quite ideal that day with the summer heat and pleasant wind. I was carrying my expectations like a rebellion, apparently ready to take over all vulvas. Imagine this- you lie to your parents about your whereabouts and travel an hour from home just to hook up with a girl. This was my first gay sexual dating experience and was extremely important to me. The thought of exploring my identity was so exciting that it overpowered  my nervousness. With this feeling, I wanted to do anything and everything. My thoughts saw no bounds. We met and it was awkward. Neither of us knew how to make the first move, so we played cards in her room. Then the songs started playing, one thing led to another and we were making out! Now unfortunately,everything I knew was from porn videos. Typical porn essentially portrays everything to be easy and natural. As anticipated from a young mouldable mind, my brain believed that it would be just the same. I would enjoy every touch, every kiss, every