The Dual Control Model of Sexual Response

Turn -Ons and Turn-Offs are the two terms we often use to describe how our bodies react to a sensual situation. When you initially date someone, there are several things that attract you to them sexually and we describe them as turn-ons. How someone does little gestures of care is a major turn-on for me or curly hair is another example. The same goes for things that can lead you to a “turn-off”. On a more intimate level, there can be things that hold you back from a sensual situation or excites you to engage in it and take it to the next level. These responses that our bodies make during an intimate situation can be described under the Dual Control Model of Sexual Response. This model can be used to understand how to go about building an exciting relationship with your partner.

The Dual Control Model of Sexual Response is based on the idea that sexual response in individuals is an interaction between excitatory and inhibitory processes. A balance between the two is very important to have a healthy sexual life. This model can be used to understand your sexual desires and the problems you might face in your sex life. The model further postulates that individuals vary in their propensity for both sexual excitation and sexual inhibition and that such variations help us to understand much of the variability in human sexuality (Bancroft J, Graham CA, Janssen E, Sanders SA. The dual control model: current status and future directions. J Sex Res. 2009 Mar-Jun;46(2-3):121-42. doi: 10.1080/00224490902747222. PMID: 19308839.). 

A person with low sexual excitation and low sexual inhibition might withdraw or have minimal interest in sexual interaction. Some people may find this a hindrance in their sexual life. We need to understand what might be the reasons behind these two variables. Low sexual excitation may result from an uncomfortable environment, societal pressures, body shaming, performance anxiety, etc., whereas high sexual inhibition may result from stress, anxiety, threat, etc. 

To create a balance between the two and live a healthy sexual life, one has to understand what are the factors disrupting the balance. Communication between you and your partner about factors that may act as interruptions in any of the two processes. In case of low sexual excitation, creating a comfortable safe space for yourself and your partner can help improve sexual excitation. For high sexual inhibition, understanding and listening to each other, and talking about things that stress you, can help lower the sexual inhibition. There are psychological and biological treatments for the imbalance in the two sexual responses. Reaching out to an expert can be helpful to understand the problems and lead a healthy sexual life. 

I had a conversation with a female friend about our childhood traumas and how these traumas have affected our sexual life. I asked her if she faced any problems because of childhood traumas during her sexual encounter. The answer was yes. We shared our own experiences of how it is not easy to accept touch and get comfortable with a stranger. My first sexual encounter has not been comfortable enough for me and it has only made it more difficult for me to have a healthy sexual life. Intercourse became something I would rather avoid and I was not able to indulge in intercourse for pleasure. My friend and I talked about this aspect of intercourse for pleasure and realised that our childhood trauma has made us detach from sexual activities. I preferred to connect with my partner through love rather than diving into sex right away. Cuddling and making out comfortably in a safe environment helped me to feel connected to my partner more. While indulging in sexual intercourse, there were certain positions that left me helpless and while I talked about it with my friend, she agreed the same. A fully controlling position would make me detach from the sexual activity and there would be no excitation in future for it. 

Childhood traumas can be recognized as an interruption in sexual excitation. The incident that happened in my childhood, which I forgot until recently while I was in a therapy session. I started to realise that the sexual harassment I faced during my childhood has made me anxious during sexual interaction. The trauma resurfaces whenever I have been in a sexual setting. I was not able to overcome it until I found an understanding partner who listened to me and paid attention. My partner created a safe space for me to open up and talk. Getting comfortable with our bodies and understanding touch helped us connect. I moved slowly towards a healthy sexual life with more talks about what feels right and what doesn’t. We often have to talk about what are the “turn-ons” and “turn-offs” for both of us. Keeping in mind each other’s preferences and trigger points. Having a safe space to talk with your partner can help you to work together to create a comfortable environment for both. Not having a safe space to talk and open up can become one of the reasons that interrupt the balance between the excitatory and inhibitory processes.

Another factor that can lower the excitation level is body-shaming. A person who has a history of body-shaming might face a similar problem where the insecurities that have developed over the years result in difficult situations where one feels uncomfortable and anxious about their own body. This can be one of the reasons that might create an imbalance between sexual excitation and sexual inhibition. During a sexual encounter, exposing yourself to the other person can be challenging. When you have been body-shamed, there needs to be reassurance from your partner about love and acceptance.

Another reason for high sexual inhibition is the lack of trust between the two parties. Fear of pregnancy can also be seen as a sexual inhibitor. To overcome these two problems, one has to build trust between themselves and their partner and use the right contraceptive to avoid the fear of getting pregnant. These are only examples of what might affect sexual responses and what can be one of the solutions to overcome it. Everybody is different and reacts differently in certain situations. The Dual Control Model can be used to lead a healthy sexual life and also, to understand our sexuality and understanding our bodies. The two sexual responses may vary

based on your sexuality. It works differently for people of different sexes and genders but can be used to understand our sexual desires and lead a healthy sexual life.