The Intimacy Curator

Turn -Ons and Turn-Offs are the two terms we often use to describe how our bodies react to a sensual situation. When you initially date someone, there are several things that attract you to them sexually and we describe them as turn-ons. How someone does little gestures of care is a major turn-on for me or curly hair is another example. The same goes for things that can lead you to a “turn-off”. On a more intimate level, there can be things that hold you back from a sensual situation or excites you to engage in it and take it to the next level. These responses that our bodies make during an intimate situation can be described under the Dual Control Model of Sexual Response . This model can be used to understand how to go about building an exciting relationship with your partner. The Dual Control Model of Sexual Response is based on the idea that sexual response in individuals is an interaction between excitatory and inhibitory processes. A balance between the two is very important to h...

  Awkward silence floats in the air during your weekend together. You can’t remember the last time you were physically intimate with them. It could be because of infidelity, or because you’ve grown apart, but we’ve all hit this stage of heartbreak in a relationship that seemed to be working so well. If you feel this growing separation from your partner, your emotional intimacy reserves in your relationship may be declining rapidly. If you're anxious for that spark and connection you first had, it’s time to work on healing your emotional intimacy together. What is emotional intimacy? Emotional intimacy is the ability to express your thoughts and feelings honestly and openly without fear of judgment or criticism. It is so essential to our well-being. Any difference in expectations between you or your partner can create conflicts, as our expectations for emotional intimacy are grounded in our experiences with family and peers. The loss of emotional intimacy can be painful for a coupl...

  The weather was quite ideal that day with the summer heat and pleasant wind. I was carrying my expectations like a rebellion, apparently ready to take over all vulvas. Imagine this- you lie to your parents about your whereabouts and travel an hour from home just to hook up with a girl. This was my first gay sexual dating experience and was extremely important to me. The thought of exploring my identity was so exciting that it overpowered  my nervousness. With this feeling, I wanted to do anything and everything. My thoughts saw no bounds. We met and it was awkward. Neither of us knew how to make the first move, so we played cards in her room. Then the songs started playing, one thing led to another and we were making out! Now unfortunately,everything I knew was from porn videos. Typical porn essentially portrays everything to be easy and natural. As anticipated from a young mouldable mind, my brain believed that it would be just the same. I would enjoy every touch, every ki...

Dear Curator, For many people Holi is a time for celebration. It was for me too a few years ago. But now I fear it. I was groped and molested in my neighbourhood and that fear has stayed with me, even when my bf hugs me from behind, I freak out. I have been trying to get over this but just can’t get it out of my system. Please help. Nobody deserves what happened to you. The impacts of sexual assault are extremely difficult to deal with and it will take some time to get them out of your system. You have them stored in your body as trauma. Be patient with yourself. Your body will take you back into the past each time you get triggered because trauma makes it difficult to be in the present moment. Your body might take you back to the incident even when you are in a safe intimate space such as cuddling with your partner . Any trigger can make your nervous system move from the here and now to there and then and that will be your reality for some time. You might also experience low libido ...