The Intimacy Curator

Ever since women stopped being just "housewives" and stepped up as breadwinners, they have turned into a threat to the patriarchal setup that we call society. Unable to digest this freedom from financial dependency, the man of the house could not take it anymore and dropped the D-bomb. However, most women don’t let the "divorce" tag hinder their progress in their personal, social, and professional lives. Living alone, driving their cars, and not taking bullcrap from anyone, women turn to social media and dating apps to look for the ideal date. They search for that man who will respect them for who they are and offer them love, care, and intimacy. Unfortunately, six out of 10 women fall for the smooth-talking players and casanovas. Married men looking for a bit of fun on the side have been hunting like sharks on dating apps, preying on "targets" and moving on to the next conquest, leaving behind a trail of heartbreaks. Instant Connection Pallavi (name chang...

As a single 40 year old who has been dating for the last five years, I did not take Later Life Virginity therapy sessions and I have always been made fun of for waiting for the girl to make the first move. “So you rather watch this stupid movie instead of making out with me?”“ You CAN hold my hand if you want, you know.” At a recent party, when I explained to friends that it just makes consent a lot more clear than any signal would, they thought it’s a good practice given the times we live in. It’s always been this way for me. Maybe because I didn’t kiss anyone till I was 29 or sleep with anyone till I was 35. (No, I’m not ashamed of it and let’s just stop shaming virgins.) Yes, I am aware that many girls may have wanted me to make the move because it’s supposed to be a guy’s job but I just can’t get myself to do it. I didn’t need an intimacy coach to tell me that. The few instances I have tried to peck a girl on her cheeks or hold her hand, I would stop halfway. I just don’t have tho...

  Awkward silence floats in the air during your weekend together. You can’t remember the last time you were physically intimate with them. It could be because of infidelity, or because you’ve grown apart, but we’ve all hit this stage of heartbreak in a relationship that seemed to be working so well. If you feel this growing separation from your partner, your emotional intimacy reserves in your relationship may be declining rapidly. If you're anxious for that spark and connection you first had, it’s time to work on healing your emotional intimacy together. What is emotional intimacy? Emotional intimacy is the ability to express your thoughts and feelings honestly and openly without fear of judgment or criticism. It is so essential to our well-being. Any difference in expectations between you or your partner can create conflicts, as our expectations for emotional intimacy are grounded in our experiences with family and peers. The loss of emotional intimacy can be painful for a coupl...

What brings you to Tinder/Hinge? I’m not a fan of the job interview format.  So I have been meaning to write about this question and answer ritual that sucks the romance out of meet-cutes. You have just about managed to break the ice and start a conversation and it’s all fun till the other wants to know: What are you doing on a dating app? I mean, what are YOU doing? Some feel the need to clarify: I mean, you are good looking and successful, why would you need a dating app? How are you still single? And there are some who will decide on the basis of this question and answer based interview if they want to meet you.  That’s fine except that most of the questions aren’t text conversation material they are part of relationship counseling . I am sorry I am not discussing relationship histories, my plans to get married or to settle down with someone I haven’t even met. For all I know, I’m being Catfished. To be absolutely honest, I don’t even know if dating today makes much sense ...

Dear Curator, For many people Holi is a time for celebration. It was for me too a few years ago. But now I fear it. I was groped and molested in my neighbourhood and that fear has stayed with me, even when my bf hugs me from behind, I freak out. I have been trying to get over this but just can’t get it out of my system. Please help. Nobody deserves what happened to you. The impacts of sexual assault are extremely difficult to deal with and it will take some time to get them out of your system. You have them stored in your body as trauma. Be patient with yourself. Your body will take you back into the past each time you get triggered because trauma makes it difficult to be in the present moment. Your body might take you back to the incident even when you are in a safe intimate space such as cuddling with your partner . Any trigger can make your nervous system move from the here and now to there and then and that will be your reality for some time. You might also experience low libido ...

When you are betrayed by a loved one, it can turn out to be one of the most hurtful experiences of your life – especially if you find out that your partner has been cheating on you, you feel crestfallen and shattered, rightly so. But can this experience also be transformative? What could be the aid for heartbreak ? It begins with processing what you’ve been through and acknowledging the hurt that has been caused. Cheating can make you question your own self, it can make you insecure, take a toll on your mental health and your confidence levels may also come down. So it is vital that you focus on yourself and understand that cheating is not a consequence of your shortcomings. Whose fault was it? Most of the time people cheat and lie to others when they are extremely unhappy with who they are not because they intend to hurt you. It is their insecurities and fears that make them act this way and not something you have done or said. Acknowledge your feeling of hurt, it is valid; speak abou...