Online dating is not a game, but for some, it’s a con job.

Ever since women stopped being just "housewives" and stepped up as breadwinners, they have turned into a threat to the patriarchal setup that we call society. Unable to digest this freedom from financial dependency, the man of the house could not take it anymore and dropped the D-bomb.

However, most women don’t let the "divorce" tag hinder their progress in their personal, social, and professional lives. Living alone, driving their cars, and not taking bullcrap from anyone, women turn to social media and dating apps to look for the ideal date. They search for that man who will respect them for who they are and offer them love, care, and intimacy. Unfortunately, six out of 10 women fall for the smooth-talking players and casanovas. Married men looking for a bit of fun on the side have been hunting like sharks on dating apps, preying on "targets" and moving on to the next conquest, leaving behind a trail of heartbreaks.

Instant Connection

Pallavi (name changed) was a law graduate recovering from a road accident when she decided to seek love online. Bedridden, she had been binge-watching sitcoms when she saw the commercial for a dating app. "I thought it would be fun to have a look at the losers and have a good laugh."

But the laughs vanished when she came across Jignesh on the app. "He had this twinkle in his eyes that got my attention, and I sent him a "like."

 

Jignesh turned out to be a "fascinating" guy, as Pallavi puts it. He was into adventure sports like swimming, snorkelling, scuba diving, and paragliding. You name it, and he was into it. 

"With my leg still in plaster, I was unable to step out of the house. So Jiggs started sending me flowers, my favourite chocolates, and even a skateboard," recalls Pallavi.

"He really knew how to push my buttons." We connected instantly. I couldn't wait to get my plaster off so I could go out with him. But he suggested that he would come over to see me. I instantly agreed. He came home over the weekend when my parents were away. I knew if I told my parents, they would freak out. So I didn’t tell them, and that was my biggest mistake. Jignesh came over, and the sparks flew instantly. We were making out like rabbits. But what I didn’t notice was that his mobile phone was kept on the nightstand, and he recorded it all."

"He made my life hell after that." He sent me a 10-second clip and began to blackmail me. I was so scared; I didn’t know what to do. If I went to the cops, he might upload the clip, and my parents would have been shattered. I gathered courage and confided in a friend. "He helped me file a complaint and got Jignesh arrested," recalls Pallavi.

"She played me"

Bengaluru-based Navin had been on the dating app for nearly a year and had barely scratched the surface. He shares that he got a few likes but that nothing materialized from those hits. He bashfully agrees to being a virgin and lacks the confidence and experience to ask a lady out.

Aarti was the first woman who spoke to Navin for more than five sentences, as he says. She was much older than him, but Navin wasn’t complaining. He was relieved and grateful that he was finally able to strike gold. They chatted for a week, and then Aarti informed him that she was flying in to Bengaluru for work and would be there for two nights.

"It felt like the best thing to ever happen to me," shares the 25-year-old.

Aarti invited Navin to her room and requested that he stay the night. Navin says he was ecstatic but equally nervous. This was his first time with a woman, and he had come unarmed. Aarti took care of that with a drawer full of condoms. However, Navin, being inexperienced, suffered from premature ejaculation and "didn’t live up to the expectation."

"I didn't know why I had lost my erection so quickly," he says, adding, "All the porn videos that I had watched till now had really long intercourse sessions, while I didn’t even last a minute."

"She was considerate and understanding about my low libido." She put me at ease, and we even clicked intimate pictures with each other on her phone.

 

After the blissful nights spent at the hotel, Aarti ghosted Navin. She didn’t respond to any messages or calls. Finally, a week later, she answered and spilled the beans. Aarti confessed to being in a relationship and said she had only used Navin to make her non-committal boyfriend jealous. Navin was heartbroken and spiralled into depression.

 

Safeguards

1. It’s always a good idea to consult an intimacy curator or an intimacy coach if you are confused about the concept of online dating.
2. Try to avoid video recording intimate moments, and if you do, insist on deleting them after watching them.
3. Being a virgin is not a crime. One can always seek sex therapy for virgins from an expert in a safe space.

 By YN Rajeshwar