The Intimacy Curator

  The Oohs and Aahs of porn are very familiar to me. The women begged the men “to put it inside them” and the declarations of pleasure echoed when it finally happened; I considered this to be the pinnacle of pleasure. Penetration was the ultimate player in the game of sex and orgasm was now inevitable. As a teen experiencing the opposite of low libido , I was determined that my experience of sex would be just the same; penetration will transcend me to climax nirvana. Later I began dating with this fantasy in my mind. Which, within my first few sexual encounters, came crashing down. It didn’t send me to pleasure heaven. Penetration failed to create that ‘god-like’ level of satisfaction. Compared to every heterocentric porn videos and sex scenes I had seen, I did not enjoy it as much as the actors did. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it felt good, but most times it didn’t. I didn’t venture out in the world of porn addiction for clear reasons. Sometimes it felt right and most times I...

Dear Curator, For many people Holi is a time for celebration. It was for me too a few years ago. But now I fear it. I was groped and molested in my neighbourhood and that fear has stayed with me, even when my bf hugs me from behind, I freak out. I have been trying to get over this but just can’t get it out of my system. Please help. Nobody deserves what happened to you. The impacts of sexual assault are extremely difficult to deal with and it will take some time to get them out of your system. You have them stored in your body as trauma. Be patient with yourself. Your body will take you back into the past each time you get triggered because trauma makes it difficult to be in the present moment. Your body might take you back to the incident even when you are in a safe intimate space such as cuddling with your partner . Any trigger can make your nervous system move from the here and now to there and then and that will be your reality for some time. You might also experience low libido ...