The Impacts of Sexual Assault

Dear Curator,

For many people Holi is a time for celebration. It was for me too a few years

ago. But now I fear it. I was groped and molested in my neighbourhood and

that fear has stayed with me, even when my bf hugs me from behind, I freak

out. I have been trying to get over this but just can’t get it out of my system.

Please help.

Nobody deserves what happened to you. The impacts of sexual assault are extremely difficult to deal with and it will take some time to get them out of your system. You have them stored in your body as trauma. Be patient with yourself. Your body will take you back into the past each time you get triggered because trauma makes it difficult to be in the present moment. Your body might take you back to the incident even when you are in a safe intimate space such as cuddling with your partner. Any trigger can make your nervous system move from the here and now to there and then and that will be your reality for some time. You might also experience low libido, low self-esteem, and shame during occasions that have nothing to do with the assault. Awareness and acceptance of this reality is half of the job done.

The other half will be reducing triggers and addressing the trauma through therapy, possibly of different kinds, if you are seriously thinking about healing your nervous system. To reduce triggers, explain to your boyfriend what happened and avoid the hugging from behind. 

When you are cuddling him start really slow and make sure you take the initiative, not him. Avoid abrupt movements and touch. Take care of your body and mind: good sleep, food, exercise, mindfulness and play time should always be your priority. Avoid media containing violence of any nature and stay away from crowded places as much as you can. It is important that your nervous system stays calm for as long as possible, in order for you to heal and avoid craving the feelings associated with a trauma response.

 If you address this now you could be preventing more incapacitating reactions such as panic attacks. Together with regular talk therapy, try out EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing), breathwork practices and somatic therapy. EMDR is an upcoming technique used for treating post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) that works really well with one off trauma experiences such as yours while breathwork and somatic therapy will help you bring the body back to the present.