The Intimacy Curator

  The Oohs and Aahs of porn are very familiar to me. The women begged the men “to put it inside them” and the declarations of pleasure echoed when it finally happened; I considered this to be the pinnacle of pleasure. Penetration was the ultimate player in the game of sex and orgasm was now inevitable. As a teen experiencing the opposite of low libido , I was determined that my experience of sex would be just the same; penetration will transcend me to climax nirvana. Later I began dating with this fantasy in my mind. Which, within my first few sexual encounters, came crashing down. It didn’t send me to pleasure heaven. Penetration failed to create that ‘god-like’ level of satisfaction. Compared to every heterocentric porn videos and sex scenes I had seen, I did not enjoy it as much as the actors did. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it felt good, but most times it didn’t. I didn’t venture out in the world of porn addiction for clear reasons. Sometimes it felt right and most times I...

  Awkward silence floats in the air during your weekend together. You can’t remember the last time you were physically intimate with them. It could be because of infidelity, or because you’ve grown apart, but we’ve all hit this stage of heartbreak in a relationship that seemed to be working so well. If you feel this growing separation from your partner, your emotional intimacy reserves in your relationship may be declining rapidly. If you're anxious for that spark and connection you first had, it’s time to work on healing your emotional intimacy together. What is emotional intimacy? Emotional intimacy is the ability to express your thoughts and feelings honestly and openly without fear of judgment or criticism. It is so essential to our well-being. Any difference in expectations between you or your partner can create conflicts, as our expectations for emotional intimacy are grounded in our experiences with family and peers. The loss of emotional intimacy can be painful for a coupl...

What brings you to Tinder/Hinge? I’m not a fan of the job interview format.  So I have been meaning to write about this question and answer ritual that sucks the romance out of meet-cutes. You have just about managed to break the ice and start a conversation and it’s all fun till the other wants to know: What are you doing on a dating app? I mean, what are YOU doing? Some feel the need to clarify: I mean, you are good looking and successful, why would you need a dating app? How are you still single? And there are some who will decide on the basis of this question and answer based interview if they want to meet you.  That’s fine except that most of the questions aren’t text conversation material they are part of relationship counseling . I am sorry I am not discussing relationship histories, my plans to get married or to settle down with someone I haven’t even met. For all I know, I’m being Catfished. To be absolutely honest, I don’t even know if dating today makes much sense ...

  The weather was quite ideal that day with the summer heat and pleasant wind. I was carrying my expectations like a rebellion, apparently ready to take over all vulvas. Imagine this- you lie to your parents about your whereabouts and travel an hour from home just to hook up with a girl. This was my first gay sexual dating experience and was extremely important to me. The thought of exploring my identity was so exciting that it overpowered  my nervousness. With this feeling, I wanted to do anything and everything. My thoughts saw no bounds. We met and it was awkward. Neither of us knew how to make the first move, so we played cards in her room. Then the songs started playing, one thing led to another and we were making out! Now unfortunately,everything I knew was from porn videos. Typical porn essentially portrays everything to be easy and natural. As anticipated from a young mouldable mind, my brain believed that it would be just the same. I would enjoy every touch, every ki...

Dear Curator, For many people Holi is a time for celebration. It was for me too a few years ago. But now I fear it. I was groped and molested in my neighbourhood and that fear has stayed with me, even when my bf hugs me from behind, I freak out. I have been trying to get over this but just can’t get it out of my system. Please help. Nobody deserves what happened to you. The impacts of sexual assault are extremely difficult to deal with and it will take some time to get them out of your system. You have them stored in your body as trauma. Be patient with yourself. Your body will take you back into the past each time you get triggered because trauma makes it difficult to be in the present moment. Your body might take you back to the incident even when you are in a safe intimate space such as cuddling with your partner . Any trigger can make your nervous system move from the here and now to there and then and that will be your reality for some time. You might also experience low libido ...

When you are betrayed by a loved one, it can turn out to be one of the most hurtful experiences of your life – especially if you find out that your partner has been cheating on you, you feel crestfallen and shattered, rightly so. But can this experience also be transformative? What could be the aid for heartbreak ? It begins with processing what you’ve been through and acknowledging the hurt that has been caused. Cheating can make you question your own self, it can make you insecure, take a toll on your mental health and your confidence levels may also come down. So it is vital that you focus on yourself and understand that cheating is not a consequence of your shortcomings. Whose fault was it? Most of the time people cheat and lie to others when they are extremely unhappy with who they are not because they intend to hurt you. It is their insecurities and fears that make them act this way and not something you have done or said. Acknowledge your feeling of hurt, it is valid; speak abou...