Healing from shame: A recount of penetration and liberation
The Oohs and Aahs of porn are very familiar to me. The women begged the men “to put it inside them” and the declarations of pleasure echoed when it finally happened; I considered this to be the pinnacle of pleasure. Penetration was the ultimate player in the game of sex and orgasm was now inevitable. As a teen experiencing the opposite of low libido , I was determined that my experience of sex would be just the same; penetration will transcend me to climax nirvana. Later I began dating with this fantasy in my mind. Which, within my first few sexual encounters, came crashing down. It didn’t send me to pleasure heaven. Penetration failed to create that ‘god-like’ level of satisfaction. Compared to every heterocentric porn videos and sex scenes I had seen, I did not enjoy it as much as the actors did. Don’t get me wrong, sometimes it felt good, but most times it didn’t. I didn’t venture out in the world of porn addiction for clear reasons. Sometimes it felt right and most times I jus